i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
