When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
