Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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