You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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