guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
