WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
