I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
