Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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