You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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