Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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