You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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