Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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