He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
