So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
