Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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