Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
