Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
