next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
