I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
