It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
