Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
