I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
