five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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