this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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