you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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