I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
