I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
