I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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