Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
