So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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