Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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