If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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