A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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