He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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