Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
