hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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