from now on my penis is your penis
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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