I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
