Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
