Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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