I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
