We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
