i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just pee around me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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