we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
