I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
