this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
