I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pants are for mortals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
