New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
