My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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