I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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