Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
